As a blogger, regularity has never been my strong point. Hence the six week gap between this post and the last. Alas, I’m not writing to gain fame or a book-deal (lucky that – according to the pros, if you intend on becoming a proper blogger, you will post at least two or three times a day?)!
To say I am pleased with the outcome of the recent Sunflower Effect project is an understatement. $1343 for the beautiful women and children at Mercy House is a huge win! Not to mention discovering so many ways to raise money and awareness, on a budget. Thank you again to all of you for your support and help and generosity in helping reach – and zoom past – the $1000 goal.
It is time for a new project. This one is purely selfish… for my own sake… a form of therapy.
Two weeks ago today, my precious dad passed away after a brave, three year battle with pancreatic cancer. Sitting with him in hospital for a week, as he slowly slipped away was the hardest, most gruelling thing I’ve ever done. I will never be the person I was before November 2012 exploded into my life. Now, a fortnight later, the funeral is over and people have started getting back to normal life. All that remains is the journey of grief which, I’m learning, is long, frustrating and – flat out hard.
My relationship with my dad was not what I would’ve liked it to have been and I wasn’t able to share much of my life with him – just one of the many disappointments and losses I’m processing.
A friend gave me a map yesterday, outlining the grief process… it shows a path that winds around and around, through many different emotions – seeming to be getting nowhere – and honestly, during the last two weeks and especially these past few days, I’ve been fighting to keep myself from spiralling downward, hand in hand with those old bitter foes – disheartenment and depression.
To add to this, my youngest child, my precious little boy, is graduating from pre school today and will join his older sisters at ‘big school’ next year. While this is a happy and exciting day for him, I can’t help but feel sad and a little grieved… while having three young children at home and at different stages of early schooling has been hard work, after having little people with me everywhere I go for the past eight years, I will miss my little buddy. Along with this transition comes new questions – am I still needed? Will I have a place in the world next year? To some that may sound a little dramatic but bear with me, this is where I’m at right now.
So, in an effort to keep myself looking towards the future and at the blessings from God which can so easily escape my attention these days – I’ve decided to launch the “365 Days of Thank You” project.
They say it takes a year before you start to feel better after the loss of a loved one, which is why this project will go for a year. I feel daunted by the task – a year is a long time, 365 is a big number – but I need to keep myself looking at the good things, the blessings, the moments I can be grateful for.
I must warn you, this may not be the most exciting blogging project for readers. Some posts may be very short – even just a couple of words maybe – depending on where I am in myself and on this journey. I’m not aiming for literary or creative excellence – but I am blogging it specifically to try and keep myself accountable. Any encouraging comments, likes or shares posted on the blog, facebook, twitter or instagram (jonileimgruber) you can offer will be very much and humbly appreciated.
As we all know, the big black hole is way too easy to fall into and terribly difficult to climb out of so, if you’ll be patient with me, one day we will see the beauty God will bring from this time.
Thank you and I hope you’re doing okay, wherever you are on your own journey.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17
~Perfect (teleios) = that which has achieved or reached its goal, objective, purpose.*